"God Bless Brown Boys"

Ah the eventuality of my love/lust/infatuation post. Brought on no doubt by a series of sensual, intense, animalistic, sexual encounters with equally stimulating intellectual, humorous, and carefree conversation. The catch; it has all been with the same woman! Yes monogamy does appear to have its benefits when the right ingredients are combined. How long I am fortunate enough to enjoy this period of bliss who knows, but really if you look to far ahead you miss all the good stuff that is the present.

The subject of this post however is not so much about the woman that brought about this emotion in me but rather about what I learn and then re-learn each time I am blessed to have this type of person come into my life. In no way shape or form are the experiences, the circumstances, or the people ever similar. But it always seems bring a new realization about what I want in a woman and in my life. A particular example would be the realization that this is the first person of the opposite sex who I am romantically involved with that I think I can travel with. This is something that until now has been lost on me. The implications of such a simple revelation are huge to me for reasons I could spend two pages explaining.

The funny thing about a crush, a new love, an infatuation, whatever it may be labeled to anybody is that it is one of the most refreshing learning experiences you as a person can go through. You learn so much about yourself through all the various stages of the relationship and even more, you learn what is really important to you about the person you want in your life. What they personify, what they bring out in you and all of it is valuable; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Each time you are lucky enough to be in any relationships, you build on what you already know and it seems the limits become endless and really that is what keeps things refreshing interesting and together. I think this was most evident in the current situation when she said "I think that unless I truly know and understand myself and what makes me happy, how can I make someone else happy." It may be the level of maturity or just simply an insight I had not considered before, but this one statement sealed the deal and I was pretty much smitten from there.

Furthermore, I was the one who ended my last relationship and often times found myself thinking, maybe that was the wrong decision, maybe that was the one. Know I know I am young and being a bachelor fits me that question is one that persists in the back of one's mind. But as much as I can rationalize my decision it is simply human nature to second guess decisions. I think this is applicable for more than just myself, a lot of people probably think about this. But at the point where you meet that person and it clicks and you can see how the previous experience just set you to a point where and in a way you are thankful for having what was a tough/stupid/logical decision.

Live. Learn. Love.

Song of the Day: Miguel Migs-So Far

The Philosophical Fit

Well I just got in what was probably one of the worst accidents I have been. Thankfully there is not a scratch on me. I more than likely wrote off the Audi (one of the most beautiful cars I have had the pleasure of driving). I was actually going write today about a lot of topics cause I have had so much in my head lately. Everything ranging from philosophical topics, some random ideas that I had go through my head which I thought would be excellent reading down the line, and even a bit about love. Given the the facts of recent events however the most relevant topic is probably the philosophically motivated post.

The central theme, and catalyst behind this was the question, If you knew you only had 12 months to live would you continue living how your living? And if not, how would you spend that time? I posed this question to a very dear and intelligent friend who had an answer that I believe few people would have. The answer she gave was that yes she would continue her current course in life and despite a few (and what I would deem natural) changes with respect to her relationships with the people she values, things would remain relatively on the same level. I consider this a very fortunate, rare and enviable position. Now whether this is true or not is something I never hope gets tested however, I do know that I cannot say the same for myself. I certainly would change pretty much everything.

For starters I would not do what I do in terms of work for free (perhaps an indicator that I don't love what I do). I would pretty much dedicate the entirety of my time to the people I love and the places I have never seen. This single question leads to a whole set of other questions depending on the answer given. But the ultimate one is why would I wait for a situation so dire to occur before just doing what I want in the first place? Short answer is I am just to damn comfortable and risk averse. The long answer I probably do not understand fully myself or would be able to articulate even if I did. Even worse maybe I do know the answer and I am just to fearful to actually confront it cause the best solutions in life are usually more difficult, but fuck the change worth it!

All in all I think its probably a balancing act at best between what you love and what you must do in order to do what you love. The trick, which is commonly known in my estimation, is to get those two things to match. And frankly I wish everyone the success that my friend is having in finding that fit.

Song of the Day: Feeder-High

A Hint of Randomness

A few little tidbits that I am picking up here and there lately, my own version pearls of wisdom, so I thought why not share.

Pearl 1: Be yourself. It seems that people in general really respond and place a value on independence and self confidence. I think at least in my perspective this is due in large part because people struggle with being and expressing themselves as they are, making it that much more unique if you are able to do so. Besides conformity sucks. Avoid trying to look good it usually leads to being a douche.

Pearl 2: Feedback. The four stages of effective feedback. The facts, the story made up, the feeling behind the story, and your intention behind giving the feedback. Simply separate the facts from what you believe actually happened. Then share exactly how it impacts you and in what way. Lastly what you hope to convey and gain by giving this feedback. And always remember to end it with a Thank You!

Pearl 3: Its always the case that with family or business comes complexity. This is often compounded further when the two mix. I don't have any real solutions to mixing the two (I challenge anyone who claims they do) but what I do know is that while more often than not intentions are good, it usually leads to a cluster fuck of emotions. I say compartmentalize. It's probably a cold approach but typically logic prevails over emotions which are susceptible to irrationality. Clearly define expectation of all involved and manage those expectations. Disappointment is the result of having any expectation at all.

Pearl 4: Leadership is when one can compel a group to work in a coordinated manner to successfully achieve an objective (the leaders vision). Dictatorship is when one divides to conquer in order to achieve a fragmented and un-fulfilling end.

Pearl 5: There is huge difference between paper wealth and real wealth. Paper wealth can dissappear real quick. Cash in while the gettin' is good and invest in the latter.

Now for a divine 5 minutes that is the Song of the Day Evol Intent-Middle of the Night

Tripping

So it looks like I am getting a little stir crazy and need to hit up something far from Calgary. The two plans of heaviness...

• Coachella
• NYC
  

Coachy is going to be one of the highlights of a young 2009. The main essential ingredients: family will be in full effect, and the venue is on point. Mix with some amazing live music and the formula can't be beat. NYC is this in as far as commitment. Yerra's birthday and such should be legit and come on NYC is on par with the 'fucking Catalina Wine-mixer".

Got the potential for a big week work wise, interested on who will be picked as Paula's replacement and business development talks.

In a creative space more so than usual so I really need to get my ass on with that photography commitment need to cash in on that. And another aspect steadily improving my cooking is on point!

Post Script: Some empirical research that all this extra stuff is just really is not necessary.

Song of the Day: Daniel Wesley- Ooh Ooh

The Not So Sure Post

"Do not look back, and grieve over the past
For it is gone

Do not be troubled about the future
For it has not yet come.

Live in the present and make it so beautiful
That it will be worth remembering."

So it seems like every once in a while i hit this point where I continually question myself. The nature of which generally consist of, Am I happy? Is this material ambition what i really want? Am I doing all I can to live the life I want? Am I where I should be?

Recently I had a personal and business coach analyze my goals both personally and in business and the conclusion was that I deeply fear mediocrity but crave and strive to achieve freedom. It's quite interesting because when I hit points such as this one in my life it very much ties into the questions I ask myself. It probably is worth noting that I believe its healthy to ask yourself these questions and to test your circumstances and environment but it often leads to a bit of depressed most akin to the feeling of unmet expectations.

I guess what makes me most happy is that experience of knowing I am in a beautiful place with people I want to be with. Often I have this desire to just run away. Not from anything or anyone in particular but just to think that every once in a while I think 'why not leave this place and search out the sun; take a risk it could end in happiness'. It seems like so many faces and personalities I have encountered here there and everywhere are better off for having taken this brief youthful carefree approach to their life. Can I do it? Does it even really matter to me? What prevents me? Seems to just result in more questions. I always told myself that to much thinking can result in detrimental mental health. So I usually subdue these internal conversation and return to what i know to be more familiar. Ambition, family, and probably most annoyingly familiarity. The urge to move, to explore, to just not give a shit is always present and I think that is an amazing thing and really I should relish that it exists in me.

Song of the Day: Fiest-Mushaboom (K-Os mix)