Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Not So Sure Post

"Do not look back, and grieve over the past
For it is gone

Do not be troubled about the future
For it has not yet come.

Live in the present and make it so beautiful
That it will be worth remembering."

So it seems like every once in a while i hit this point where I continually question myself. The nature of which generally consist of, Am I happy? Is this material ambition what i really want? Am I doing all I can to live the life I want? Am I where I should be?

Recently I had a personal and business coach analyze my goals both personally and in business and the conclusion was that I deeply fear mediocrity but crave and strive to achieve freedom. It's quite interesting because when I hit points such as this one in my life it very much ties into the questions I ask myself. It probably is worth noting that I believe its healthy to ask yourself these questions and to test your circumstances and environment but it often leads to a bit of depressed most akin to the feeling of unmet expectations.

I guess what makes me most happy is that experience of knowing I am in a beautiful place with people I want to be with. Often I have this desire to just run away. Not from anything or anyone in particular but just to think that every once in a while I think 'why not leave this place and search out the sun; take a risk it could end in happiness'. It seems like so many faces and personalities I have encountered here there and everywhere are better off for having taken this brief youthful carefree approach to their life. Can I do it? Does it even really matter to me? What prevents me? Seems to just result in more questions. I always told myself that to much thinking can result in detrimental mental health. So I usually subdue these internal conversation and return to what i know to be more familiar. Ambition, family, and probably most annoyingly familiarity. The urge to move, to explore, to just not give a shit is always present and I think that is an amazing thing and really I should relish that it exists in me.

Song of the Day: Fiest-Mushaboom (K-Os mix)

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